Moses said to the Lord, "Pardon your servant, Lord. I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor since you have spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue." The Lord said to him, "Who gave human beings their mouths? Who makes them deaf or mute? Who gives them sight or makes them blind? Is it not I, the Lord? Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say." But Moses said, "Pardon your servant, Lord. Please send someone else." Then the Lord's anger burned against Moses and he said, "What about your brother, Aaron the Levite? I know he can speak well. He is already on his way to meet you, and he will be glad to see you. You shall speak to him and put words in his mouth; I will help both of you speak and will teach you what to do. He will speak to the people for you, and it will be as if he were your mouth and as if you were God to him. But take this staff in your hand so you can perform the signs with it." (Exodus 4:10-17)
Today was the first day of summer camp held at Flemingdon Park and it was a nerve-wracking yet exciting experience. A couple of points that I can resonate with in the verses above:
- I feel like Moses probably 85% of the time. Feeling inadequate and ineloquent in my speech and tongue has been a consistent worry of mine throughout my life. My role as an outreach worker has extremely stretched me and helped me slowly overcome those fears. For example, I've never talked to so many different parents in my life. I've had experience in calling them during after school programs this past year so I'm not as nervous, but I still slightly dread calling them. I'm constantly giving them reminders/updates about summer day camps or just following up with them and I feel intimidated each time because I feel so young, incapable, and small. My new role also requires me to gather all the kids, make daily announcements, updates and decisions for them. Yes, I still get stage fright, even in front of kids. In general, speaking in front of people in a "formal" manner kind of freezes my brain.
- God has often convicted and assured me when placing me in a leading role, yet I always doubt Him in the beginning. I constantly feel inadequate so I beg him to send someone else or question, "Why me?". I know God must be thinking, "o ye of little faith". Even I tell myself that.
- However, God is so gracious, patient, and understanding, that He brings someone to support Moses. In the same way, God knows me so well that He places me in a supportive team with fellow outreach workers at Flemingdon Park who are good at speaking and have very calm personalities, quite contrary to mine. We communicate together and we have each other's back. God helps both of us speak and teaches us what to do; the Holy Spirit works through us and reaches out to the kids and parents of Flemingdon Park.
God is our Lord and greatest helper. He's challenging and stretching me, but I thank Him for His grace, help, and provision throughout the day. I'm looking forward to seeing more of God's faithfulness.