The Perfection in Imperfectness
During a small group discussion with the kids, I asked them the question, “What’s holding you back from believing in Jesus?”, and one of them answered me, “I keep on doing bad things. I know it’s bad, but I keep on doing it,” and that reply has stuck with me ever since.
I used to have the same belief that I have to be good enough before I come to God, but if I can be good enough with my own strength, then what’s the point of the cross?
“But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is perfected in weakness.’ Therefore, I will most gladly boast all the more about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may reside in me.” - 2 Corinthians 12:9 [CSB]
That thought of having to be good enough to earn God’s approval and people’s approval consumed my mind at the beginning of my journey with TCM. I don't know what to expect coming into this internship, but one thing I felt from the first day of training was how unequipped I was. From hearing all the workshops that we went through during training, the stories, the behaviour management that needs to be done, and how to share the Gospel with the kids–I thought to myself many times, “Is this role really for me?”
Sure enough, right from the very first day of camp, I felt the impostor syndrome. All of the other interns look like they know what they are doing; they can make jokes, create and engage in meaningful conversations, teach the Bible lessons really well, and most importantly, the kids love them. On the other hand, I doubted my abilities many times, even until today–when we only have 2 weeks of camp left. But God constantly reminded me that it is not about me and what I can do; it is all about Him and living in full reliance on Him. Through all my doubts and failures, I saw how God sustained me, and His power displayed in my imperfectness.
From playing games, having conversations, to even just sitting next to the campers and being there, God has helped me find my own ways of connecting with the kids and to love them the way He loves them. He not only taught me to give grace and love others unconditionally, but also to extend grace to myself and not measure my worth based on how well I perform.
No amount of striving or failures will make His love for us change. He’s been there from the beginning, and His love is constant and more than enough. Motivated by the overflowing love we’ve received, we can be secure in our identity and do the work He has set for us to do.
His love for us is what truly matters, and I hope the kids will come to accept that love too.
“For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” - Romans 8:38-39 [CSB]