Obeying God Even Through Fear
I have a confession to make: I am a coward.
I still remember sitting in church back in high school, listening to missionaries share about the work they were doing around the world. They spoke with so much passion and conviction about the places God had called them to. It was inspiring.
That was one of the first times I wondered, “God, are you calling me to missions too?”
And almost immediately, I remember thinking, “Wait… no. Please, God, not me. You’ve got the wrong person. Call someone else — someone braver, more capable, more eloquent.”
This past summer, the kids learned about the life of Moses during their Bible time. And honestly, it felt like God was speaking just as much to me as He was to the kids.
But Moses said to the Lord, “Oh, my Lord, I am not eloquent, either in the past or since you have spoken to your servant, but I am slow of speech and of tongue.” Then the Lord said to him, “Who has made man's mouth? Who makes him mute, or deaf, or seeing, or blind? Is it not I, the Lord? Now therefore go, and I will be with your mouth and teach you what you shall speak.” But he said, “Oh, my Lord, please send someone else.” - Exodus 4:10-13
Sounds familiar?
Moses’ words hit a little too close to home. I’ve said them before, maybe not out loud, but definitely in my heart. I see my weaknesses so clearly, and like Moses, I want to hold them up as reasons why God should choose someone else. I feel inadequate and unqualified.
But just like with Moses, God doesn’t remove the calling. He reminds me of who He is.
And He doesn’t send us alone.
My heart is prone to wander. I easily lose focus on why I’m here. I get caught up in building my own little kingdom, craving comfort or control. But every time I do, I find myself running into the same wall: I am a sinner, and my efforts will always fall short.
But by the grace of God, He chooses to work through me anyway.
They said to him, “We have only five loaves here and two fish.” And he said, “Bring them here to me.” Then he ordered the crowds to sit down on the grass, and taking the five loaves and the two fish, he looked up to heaven and said a blessing. Then he broke the loaves and gave them to the disciples, and the disciples gave them to the crowds. - Matthew 14:17-19
Jesus didn’t ask the disciples to feed the 5,000 on their own. He asked them to bring what little they had, and He performed a miracle.
God isn’t asking me to save the world. He’s simply asking me to trust Him, to obey, and to bring what I have, no matter how small or broken it feels, and place it in His hands.
I completed my first year as an Outreach Worker. And to be honest, there are still days I feel afraid or unsure. But through the fear, God keeps reminding me of His presence, that He is with me. His strength is made perfect in my weakness, and he is not finished with me yet.
And that’s where my hope lies, not in my courage or capability, but in the One who calls, equips, and walks with me.
So through the fear, the doubts, and the failures, may I keep choosing to obey. May I live for His will and not my own by the grace of God.
“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.”