I felt confident applying for the Toronto City Mission (TCM) Summer Internship because I believed I could do well in it. When I first heard about TCM and read the job description, I thought it was a perfect fit for me due to my experience working with children. However, during the internship training, I realized my initial confidence was just arrogance.
The biggest challenge was the language barrier. I had lived in Korea all my life and had only been in Canada for six months when the internship started. Even though I aimed to practice English, the camp was a real life situation where I had to jump right into it. I had many doubts during the three weeks of camp preparation. I struggled with whether or not I had the qualifications to serve these children and if I could effectively communicate God's Gospel to them in English. Before I could be sure about my abilities, the first day of camp arrived.
What I realized at the beginning of camp was that these kids' personalities weren't as challenging for me as I thought they would be, and I was grateful for that. I struggled to connect with the kids deeply enough to share the Gospel with them, because of my language limitations. Unlike the confident me before the camp started, my confidence was at rock bottom. However, I believe if I was lazy yesterday, I can focus on being a little more diligent today. If my teaching was a little lacking yesterday, I can fix it today. I can be focused on improving myself day by day because my language and my relationship with the children won’t change overnight. I used to compare myself to other interns who had already built deep relationships with the children and felt jealous. But I tried to improve each day, preparing diligently for my lessons and praying for God's guidance.
I have been preparing for weeks, creating a script and practicing dozens of times. I've been practicing various simple questions to continue the conversation with children every day. And I would pray to God every day: "God, open my mouth. Give me the language and courage to share the gospel with them.” I revised and revised, preparing for how I could show the kids the amazing love of God in a fun way.
Finally, on the day of my Bible lesson, I'll never forget the look in their eyes. They listened to the Bible story with a twinkle in their eyes. Their responses were amazing as I made eye contact with each and every one of them and answered their questions. And then, I realized that even with my lack of abilities, God could use me to share His Gospel with them.
During park activities, some kids seemed disinterested, but they still mentioned God's creations showing that they were absorbing God's love. 'Oh, this is a tree made by God!’ ‘This is grass made by God!’ ‘This is an amazing creation of God'. These children are seeing, hearing, and feeling God's love as I make it known, even if they don't think they are.
I realized that I couldn't achieve anything on my own in this camp. It was all about God's work, and I just had to obey and continue doing it.
““He has saved us and called us to a holy life not because of anything we have done but because of his own purpose and grace. This grace was given us in Christ Jesus before the beginning of time.””
This verse reminds me that God's grace and purpose are more important than anything I've done.
I feel like I'm just going through the day by day, but when I look back, I can see how my faith has grown, and my relationship with the children has deepened. God has been growing me without me even realizing it.
Now, my mission is to move forward in expectations of what God will do through me each day.
